Pretty much accurate except that there are no cowboys east of the Mississippi River; that’s just regular farmland.

YES

Vegan beef jerky…

Fretboard??

Try rice pilaf.

Speed cameras aren’t enough. Schools need all the traffic calming they can get.

The stereotype is that vegans only eat cats and dogs and babies but it’s actually easier to find rabbits and elderly bearded dragons and such since the others are often fed animal products. I typically break into people’s homes at night and look for gerbils since they often die in horrible and mysterious ways, so it’s actually a mercy for me to stuff them directly into my mouth and swallow them whole. It’s so hard to find food as a vegan. I’m vegan btw.