Hi c/BDSM community!

Because the prior mods were inaccessible and unresponsive for months on end, admins have decided to appoint a new moderator. That would be me. I’m going to sticky this post for a while for community members to comment about what direction they’d like for this community. But I’d like to make some suggestions here too.

BDSM is as generic a term for all-encompassing kink as one gets. It’s a general term. A place where an interactive community should naturally form. So, while I support posting porn here, I’d like to also suggest an openness to community based material. That’s why I posted a blog entry by @girlonthenet@mastodon.social yesterday about her subby side enjoying ‘good girl’ praise. I think this community could do with more of that kind of material.

Along with that, I want to talk about c/BDSM becoming a true safe space for women, trans persons, and subs of all sorts. We cannot have a general kink community forum without kinksters. And we cannot encourage kinky subs to contribute if we let a slim minority of assholes in the community mistreat them.

Anyone who exposes themselves emotionally or physically will have the mod team’s 100% support. No kink shaming, no body shaming, no cruelty allowed. Period. That goes for male, female, and nonbinary; subs and Dom(mes).

Along with that, I’d like to offer mod positions, or some kind of community guidance role as wished, to women (Domme or sub) so they feel they have real input about how this place is run.

I mean, a male dominated BDSM community is plain at odds with basic kinkster ethics.

This doesn’t mean I envision c/BDSM to become LemmyNSFW’s c/subsanctuary. As a Dom, I really shouldn’t be involved in a community like that. But what it does mean is that subs of all sorts should feel safe and welcome to contribute here.

Opinions? Please feel free to express yourselves. Even if you disagree. I’m listening.

ADDENDUM:

To clarify, by seeking women’s, trans, and sub voices in how the BDSM community is run, I do not mean to imply this should therefore exclude male voices. This is not a zero sum game.

ADDENDUM TWO

New Moderator Announcement.

    • ExhibiCat@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
      3·
      11 months ago

      I’m not part of this community, so total outsider perspective

      The BDSM community has a bit of a reputation of being closed and exclusive. Probably because we don’t go around boasting about it and because we wear scary looking stuff 🤭

      But I found that in practice neither were true. As a newbie I was very welcomed. I’m very thankful to the community (and I mean mostly local as I’m not so active here on Lemmy) for being so open and helping me explore that side of myself when I was ready for it ❤️

  • ChimaericDesire@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    8·
    11 months ago

    I like everything you have to say here. I really hope that this can become a good alternative to FetLife for all things kink, eventually. I like Fet as a platform, but they definitely have some moderation issues among other things, but that’s its own discussion for its own topic, I suppose.

    I definitely look forward to seeing how things develop here. The Fediverse is definitely a great platform to establish a strong community.

    Out of curiosity, is there an interest in having a separate “sister community” explicitly dedicated to kink/BDSM education? I don’t know the logistics for something like that as far as Lemmy is concerned, but I can’t stress enough how important my local Lifestyle groups have been with regards to education and support, and there are a lot of places that don’t have resources like that anywhere nearby. It’d be great to have a sort of virtual alternative for folks that don’t have a local kink scene, or that aren’t comfortable in such a “public” setting.

    • AnaisRim@lemmynsfw.comOPMEnglish
      3·
      11 months ago

      Creating a community here is easy, anyone can do it. Creating an infrastructure linking local groups together… that’s another matter. Both logistics and software, because lemmy isn’t really designed for it. And the audience isn’t big enough to support it, either. At least not yet.

      For now, on the Lemmy side, I think a catch all generic place is best. Mostly because I don’t think there are more than a few to at most ten thousand kinksters on Lemmy right now anyway.

      Creating private chat groups is another matter. I honestly think Matrix chat is the best approach for secure and private group connectivity in the FediVerse. Though some might argue for Signal.

      As a community kinkster, I’d love to have your input and community involvement though. Thank you for posting!

      • Routine5252@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        3·
        11 months ago

        Creating private chat groups is another matter. I honestly think Matrix chat is the best approach for secure and private group connectivity in the FediVerse. Though some might argue for Signal.

        I was just passing through and thought I would throw in my two cents on this, as someone with a bit of experience. Session and SimpleX both work as ‘secure and private group chat’ platforms, as they are E2EE and require no phone numbers/other private information. SimpleX is a little more feature rich, but I’ve found Session more stable (although SimpleX is improving. They also lack the geek-curve @ExhibiCat@lemmynsfw.com mentioned, as you don’t have to do much more than pick a username to start chatting (unless you want to dig into all the technical settings). Depending on what you are looking for in a chat app, you may want to check them out.

        e: fixed the link for SimpleX

      • ExhibiCat@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
        2·
        11 months ago

        Another +1 for matrix here.

        The problem with signal is that when you’re in a public group you’re sharing your mobile number with all participants and that is not always wanted. Telegram has an option to not do that by setting a username but I don’t think signal does.

        There’s a bit of a geek-curve to matrix because it requires picking a server and creating an account but it should not bother anyone on Lemmy as it has exactly those same requirements 🤭

        And even end to end encryption is now standard in matrix.

        • AnaisRim@lemmynsfw.comOPMEnglish
          2·
          11 months ago

          Matrix is my personal favorite too. I know a lot of people complain about it being slow, but from a privacy standpoint there’s no better option. Telegram doesn’t even encrypt end to end by default. You have to run a superchat.

          So… yeah. I agree entirely!

          • ExhibiCat@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
            3·
            11 months ago

            Yes agreed about Telegram too by the way.

            Here where I live Telegram is the #1 tool for local BDSM groups this is why I thought about it. People just don’t really care about the E2E even though it could be daunting for beginners. It used to bother me as I’m a techie but in the end I got so comfortable with it that I even post my face on fetlife so I just don’t care anymore. But I think having the precaution of E2E is way better, and for it to be completely open and federalised too.

            • AnaisRim@lemmynsfw.comOPMEnglish
              1·
              11 months ago

              I used to have a Fetlife, but I migrated away over time. It’s good for connecting local kinksters though. But I do worry about privacy there.

              I wonder if Friendica or Diaspora could fill the Fetlife void in the Fediverse.

  • khrol@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    6·
    11 months ago

    I like these ideas alot. I think LemmyNSFW could use more discussion space to talk about sex, kinks, and generally taboo topics. Like you said BDSM often becomes the catch all category for many kinks and I dont think there is currently enough activity in LemmyNSFW to warrant splitting the community, provided the space remains inclusive for all

  • ExhibiCat@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    5·
    11 months ago

    Welcome! I mostly post on fetlife but it’s good to see a well moderated community here as well. Totally agree on having a female mod as well. (I’m sub male by the way)

  • cactusupyourbutt@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    11 months ago

    while I very much agree with beeing inclusive to all genders, only allowing a single gender, women, to be moderators is not very inclusive

    I also disagree that a male mod would be at odds with ethical kink. you will have to vet mods, regardless of the gender they say they are. people lie on the internet, frequently (note: this isnt transphobia, but how could you possibly verify that the woman you are speaking to isnt in reality a male identifying cishet?)

    • AnaisRim@lemmynsfw.comOPMEnglish
      8·
      11 months ago

      I didn’t say I would exclude men. I’m male. I said I think the community could use female voices too. Excluding women from roles with authority and standing is what I mean by being the antithesis of ethical kink.

      I don’t exclude the possibility of other male moderators. But I do think more female and sub voices would be helpful here. Because very often they’re chased away with aggressive demands by men who want to be first in line.

      Do you think women’s voices are well represented at LemmyNSFW and in the fediverse in general? I don’t. And IMO: We’ll never attract women as serious contributors and community members as long as they remain excluded from real input.

      • VelvetStorm@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        11 months ago

        You may want to edit your post then because you made it really sound like men were not welcome to be mods.

        • AnaisRim@lemmynsfw.comOPMEnglish
          9·
          11 months ago

          Calling to be inclusive to women does not exclude men. But sure, I’ll clarify. Still, I have to say, the slightest suggestion women should be included in community management sure does get a lot of male panties knotted in a bunch.

          • cactusupyourbutt@lemmy.worldEnglish
            2·
            11 months ago

            thank you for this clarification. that makes me feel much more accepted and welcome here.

            I wrote my initial comment because it felt like it deliberately excluded men. I do agree that other gender and sexes should also be able to be moderators of course.

            I want to apologize too because I apparently misinterpreted your post a bit. But you have successfully restored my faith in you as the new owner of this community

          • VelvetStorm@lemmy.worldEnglish
            2·
            11 months ago

            Or it was poorly worded on your part. I personally would have assumed moderation was open to all genders until you specifically called for only 1.

            • AnaisRim@lemmynsfw.comOPMEnglish
              5·
              11 months ago

              You’re being argumentative. If you’re this unhappy with the decision, the exit is at the unsubsubscribe and block button. Feel free to use it.

        • polkadotgirl@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          8·
          11 months ago

          I sense a flurry of snowflakes triggered by the thought women might become more than mere nude spectacle for the entertainment of men round these parts. 😆

          • VelvetStorm@lemmy.worldEnglish
            2·
            11 months ago

            I love women in power, and the mod teams should have both genders on it, but your personal attacks against people is fairly unbecoming.

  • Molochalter@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    5·
    11 months ago

    That’s actually pretty neat. I also like that you’re posting articles too, not just smut.

    Love me some smut but that’s way easier to find in other places. Good intellectual conversations are harder to come by.

    • 7u5k3n@lemmy.worldEnglish
      3·
      11 months ago

      That’s one of the things I miss about reddit. /r/BDSMcommunity and /r/bdsmadvice Quality conversation with out the smut.

  • Ivalise@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    5·
    11 months ago

    As a women I would love to see more conventions in a safe place on Lemmynsfw. I have issue with mods not wanting women to really be involved and its very frustrating.

  • Vench4Life@lemmynsfw.comEnglish
    4·
    11 months ago

    Thank you AnaisRim! I may be of the male presenting, but I agree with everything you said and hope that more female and/or agender mods and voices will be present in this space. I’m also a kinkster, and would enjoy the opportunity to participate in a safe space for all who enjoy the lifestyle. Cheers to you, and to the rest of the community as well. You have my enthusiastic consent! The safeword is Broccoli Rabe.

  • lazyneet@programming.devEnglish
    3·
    11 months ago

    I’m not sure how I feel about this being my first post on any Lemmy platform, but I’ll weigh in. (male masochist)

    Reddit’s r/BDSMcommunity is a good resource. I would love to see a federated equivalent to that where there is lots of text-based discussion. The porn is nice too, but (maybe this is just a propagation problem) I’m not seeing any responses to posts in c/BDSM. People drop an image or a short article, and then something else pops up. It could be that there aren’t many users, but something like 2000 people are subscribed to this, so idk.

    I’d love to share my thoughts and experiences in a community like this, assuming things are working properly on a technical level and there are friendly people to talk to. You’ve already got 3 moderators, so it seems like things are moving. I wish everyone the best in keeping this going.

    • AnaisRim@lemmynsfw.comOPMEnglish
      3·
      11 months ago

      It’s hard to say what you’re seeing comment wise from this end. Federation sometimes leaves strange holes in a comment thread. It’s not perfect.

      That said, this community was essentially dead without mod support and little posting. It’s been just days since the transition. I expect it will take time to build a thriving interactive community.

      We’d love to read your thoughts. Whatever you’re willing to share. Whether by post or comment. Thank you for joining!

      • lazyneet@programming.devEnglish
        4·
        11 months ago

        Thank you for your prompt and informative reply, and for volunteering your time to do this. I’m not sure of what content I could contribute that isn’t venting or rambling about this or that, as my recent experiences in the BDSM community have been limited to rural social gatherings. It’s good to know that there are people in this federated board though.